Wake up.

I think this whole leaving thing finally hit me.

Last night, the bf and I were making characters for role playing with his friends back home. All day, I had been kinda thinking about how I feel like time is running out: I want to spend time with him, I want to hang out with my friends, I want to start actively searching for a job, and I need to clean my room and pack. It all caught up with me during character making time, and I couldn't hold the tears back. I'm really gonna miss these people.

On what may be a related note, I've been having some fucked up dreams lately.

Okay, so I know that a death dream signifies a change within yourself, that a part of yourself is "dead." But what does it mean when the deceased are random babies, and your dad and uncles want your help burying them to get rid of evidence? Or when a random pastor and some of his church buddies go skating on railroad tracks during a thunderstorm and start on fire?

What about when the ink of your new tattoo gets smeared away, or when an old acquaintance tries to get you to cheat on your bf with him and gets pissed when you refuse? Or when your efforts to earn a spot on the baseball team suddenly become efforts to thwart a drumming robber by throwing oreos at him?

Gah. So confused.

But, I've found out in the past few days that I'll probably have a place to live eventually. The bf's sister and her bf started tossing around an idea of the four of us renting a house together, and one of my neighbors will probably be taking an internship in Minneapolis and looking for an apartment/roommate. I don't know which offer I'll take, but at least I have options.

But for now? Back to getting my room organized.