Well, I'm all graduated now.
I hate it when people don't listen.
I hate it when someone isn't having fun and no one else actively makes an effort to change that.
I hate vertigo.
I hate it when people show up to the party late.
I hate it when the bf drinks excessively, because he loses the ability to think about his actions or others' feelings, particularly mine.
I hate how "soon" apparently translates to 2+ hours.
I hate seeing pictures taken after I left, because everyone was having fun without me.
I hate that I couldn't get to sleep or sleep in.
I hate that my parents are twofaced and put on an act in public.
I hate that, still, no one seems to understand why I hate my squeaky, rattling ceiling fan.
I hate how nothing was purchased for me to eat - not even cereal... I think I'm supposed to gnaw on my arm or something.
I hate 56k
I hate how far away I am.
I hate that I can't get a hug right now.
I hate that I don't know where I'm going, what I'm doing, and when it's happening, and that it feels like everything is falling apart. This. Isn't. Right.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
And all of Ruby Falls was singing along
I first started going to Music in the Zoo concerts in 2002. I had wanted to go previously, but never did for some reason. In '02, Great Big Sea was playing, and I dragged a couple friends. It was amazing. Not only is it a small venue, but it holds sentimental value, as it was the stage where I graduated from high school. It was crazy/awesome thinking, "hey, I once stood where Alan Doyle is standing right now." Not to mention that it was only a 15-minute drive from my parents' house. Can't beat that.
A year later, Guster took the same stage. Fucking amazing show.
A couple days ago, I got an email from my mom, letting me know that Guster is playing TWO shows at the zoo in July. Then I got an email from the Guster newsletter list thingy today that mentioned it. And who's opening?
Ben Kweller.
Holy crap! I bought my tickets today before it went any crazier. Second night, ninth row, on the right side, but not too far off of center. And this is the presale, folks.
In other news, I started thinking of other job ideas today. Maybe retail store-level work is the thing for me right now. I started looking at management positions at Barnes and Noble and such, but then I jumped back and considered commission sales at a cell phone retailer. A sales class was required for my major, so it would apply, kinda. It looks like it starts at $8-10/hr base, plus whatever commission you make. And I'd be looking at full time, so that could end up around $1600/month. And potential room for advancement. Hell, it's a job where my initial application is with a resume. That's a sign of higher maturity right there.
But first, I need to get my room packed. Holy crap.
A year later, Guster took the same stage. Fucking amazing show.
A couple days ago, I got an email from my mom, letting me know that Guster is playing TWO shows at the zoo in July. Then I got an email from the Guster newsletter list thingy today that mentioned it. And who's opening?
Ben Kweller.
Holy crap! I bought my tickets today before it went any crazier. Second night, ninth row, on the right side, but not too far off of center. And this is the presale, folks.
In other news, I started thinking of other job ideas today. Maybe retail store-level work is the thing for me right now. I started looking at management positions at Barnes and Noble and such, but then I jumped back and considered commission sales at a cell phone retailer. A sales class was required for my major, so it would apply, kinda. It looks like it starts at $8-10/hr base, plus whatever commission you make. And I'd be looking at full time, so that could end up around $1600/month. And potential room for advancement. Hell, it's a job where my initial application is with a resume. That's a sign of higher maturity right there.
But first, I need to get my room packed. Holy crap.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
*sigh*
GAH.
Okay.
I'm currently at work and bored. I've been here since noon with nothing to do except knit and surf the internet. I somehow got vertigo again, so I'd love to lay down, but there's nothing to do here while laying down except sleep, and I kinda can't do that. Looking at intricate things (read: knitting or computer type) with the yellow walls in the background make it worse, I swear.
Anyway, I took some of this time to start looking at jobs and apartments. Again. Allow me to complain about both.
I knew before that I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life, and now that's becoming hugely more evident. Just from searching around Monster and the college's job listing, my top two ideas right now are
(a) an all-encompassing marketing/advertising/PR job for a guy running a couple small businesses
(b) becoming a manager for a smoothie shop
The problems? Working for that guy would involve an hour-long drive south of Minneapolis every day - and that's not counting traffic. And the smoothie shop is pretty much exactly the business I want to get out of right now, since making ice cream got kinda old at the end. Hell, I just want to get out of food service in general, just because of my susceptibility to colds and such.
A lot of the places looking to hire marketing-type people want someone to be in charge of something. I don't want that right now. I want to brainstorm ideas as a team and decide from there if I like that career. And all that's available for writing also requests knowledge of like, medical software. Eep.
And then there's the apartment search. That gets a big WTF from me. I was snooping at 2-bedrooms today, in case I decide to room with my neighbor, and holy crap expensive. Not to mention that most of these apartment search websites suck. I just want to browse, not sign my name and address and phone number and email and first-few-born away. And if they do let me in anonymously, they'll provide me with apartments in all kinds of nearby suburbs when I just requested Minneapolis.
I also made sure to look at places that allowed pets. Those that do understandably want a deposit. $100/total seems crazy enough, even though it is refundable. One place wanted $100 nonrefundable plus $300/pet, not listing if the $300 is refundable or not. I'll keep looking, thanks.
Overall, I just want to figure things out. I don't want to look at ten different job categories and think, "oh, that could be interesting." I want to look at one category and think, "That's what I want to do." Maybe it will limit me, but at least I'd have a lifeview thought out.
Okay.
I'm currently at work and bored. I've been here since noon with nothing to do except knit and surf the internet. I somehow got vertigo again, so I'd love to lay down, but there's nothing to do here while laying down except sleep, and I kinda can't do that. Looking at intricate things (read: knitting or computer type) with the yellow walls in the background make it worse, I swear.
Anyway, I took some of this time to start looking at jobs and apartments. Again. Allow me to complain about both.
I knew before that I didn't really know what I wanted to do with my life, and now that's becoming hugely more evident. Just from searching around Monster and the college's job listing, my top two ideas right now are
(a) an all-encompassing marketing/advertising/PR job for a guy running a couple small businesses
(b) becoming a manager for a smoothie shop
The problems? Working for that guy would involve an hour-long drive south of Minneapolis every day - and that's not counting traffic. And the smoothie shop is pretty much exactly the business I want to get out of right now, since making ice cream got kinda old at the end. Hell, I just want to get out of food service in general, just because of my susceptibility to colds and such.
A lot of the places looking to hire marketing-type people want someone to be in charge of something. I don't want that right now. I want to brainstorm ideas as a team and decide from there if I like that career. And all that's available for writing also requests knowledge of like, medical software. Eep.
And then there's the apartment search. That gets a big WTF from me. I was snooping at 2-bedrooms today, in case I decide to room with my neighbor, and holy crap expensive. Not to mention that most of these apartment search websites suck. I just want to browse, not sign my name and address and phone number and email and first-few-born away. And if they do let me in anonymously, they'll provide me with apartments in all kinds of nearby suburbs when I just requested Minneapolis.
I also made sure to look at places that allowed pets. Those that do understandably want a deposit. $100/total seems crazy enough, even though it is refundable. One place wanted $100 nonrefundable plus $300/pet, not listing if the $300 is refundable or not. I'll keep looking, thanks.
Overall, I just want to figure things out. I don't want to look at ten different job categories and think, "oh, that could be interesting." I want to look at one category and think, "That's what I want to do." Maybe it will limit me, but at least I'd have a lifeview thought out.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Wake up.
I think this whole leaving thing finally hit me.
Last night, the bf and I were making characters for role playing with his friends back home. All day, I had been kinda thinking about how I feel like time is running out: I want to spend time with him, I want to hang out with my friends, I want to start actively searching for a job, and I need to clean my room and pack. It all caught up with me during character making time, and I couldn't hold the tears back. I'm really gonna miss these people.
On what may be a related note, I've been having some fucked up dreams lately.
Okay, so I know that a death dream signifies a change within yourself, that a part of yourself is "dead." But what does it mean when the deceased are random babies, and your dad and uncles want your help burying them to get rid of evidence? Or when a random pastor and some of his church buddies go skating on railroad tracks during a thunderstorm and start on fire?
What about when the ink of your new tattoo gets smeared away, or when an old acquaintance tries to get you to cheat on your bf with him and gets pissed when you refuse? Or when your efforts to earn a spot on the baseball team suddenly become efforts to thwart a drumming robber by throwing oreos at him?
Gah. So confused.
But, I've found out in the past few days that I'll probably have a place to live eventually. The bf's sister and her bf started tossing around an idea of the four of us renting a house together, and one of my neighbors will probably be taking an internship in Minneapolis and looking for an apartment/roommate. I don't know which offer I'll take, but at least I have options.
But for now? Back to getting my room organized.
Last night, the bf and I were making characters for role playing with his friends back home. All day, I had been kinda thinking about how I feel like time is running out: I want to spend time with him, I want to hang out with my friends, I want to start actively searching for a job, and I need to clean my room and pack. It all caught up with me during character making time, and I couldn't hold the tears back. I'm really gonna miss these people.
On what may be a related note, I've been having some fucked up dreams lately.
Okay, so I know that a death dream signifies a change within yourself, that a part of yourself is "dead." But what does it mean when the deceased are random babies, and your dad and uncles want your help burying them to get rid of evidence? Or when a random pastor and some of his church buddies go skating on railroad tracks during a thunderstorm and start on fire?
What about when the ink of your new tattoo gets smeared away, or when an old acquaintance tries to get you to cheat on your bf with him and gets pissed when you refuse? Or when your efforts to earn a spot on the baseball team suddenly become efforts to thwart a drumming robber by throwing oreos at him?
Gah. So confused.
But, I've found out in the past few days that I'll probably have a place to live eventually. The bf's sister and her bf started tossing around an idea of the four of us renting a house together, and one of my neighbors will probably be taking an internship in Minneapolis and looking for an apartment/roommate. I don't know which offer I'll take, but at least I have options.
But for now? Back to getting my room organized.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
On blathering
Today's the last day of classes. I have a paper due today, then I have to finish my final report for this class (both only need minor revisions), then I'm dooooone.
But first, I need to write this blog entry.
One of my goals with keeping this blog was to improve my writing. I wanted to improve at elaboration (the fine art of not rambling while not being too concise) and brainstorming topics. Did I accomplish that? Eh.
In my main writing class last semester, we were given only one or two writing prompts, and I'd just sit down and write like crazy. This semester, I have a different teacher, so obviously there's a new writing-prompt-style I had to adjust to. We always got between two and four prompts - seven for this last paper - and it's become more of a challenge to think of good topics. You'd think that with seven different writing prompts, I'd be able to think of something. Apparently not.
Sure, I'll still think of good ideas... for a paper that's maybe a page or two. The current requirement is five to seven pages. Yikes.
One of the prompts for this assignment was to "write the paper you've wanted to write all semester." Or, in other words, "write whatever the hell you want." At the last minute I ended up rambling about how I've changed a lot in the past year; how I miss certain aspects of myself/my life, but at the same time, I'm excited about the changes. It kinda fell into the rant/rave prompt, it kinda fell into the "what have you learned about yourself" prompt, but mostly it just fell into "write whatever you want."
It's a completely different writing style than what I'm used to. All my papers this semester have employed humor. I'm jealous of everyone else and their eloquent writing, and I've wanted to try it all semester. I'm okay with humor, but I don't want to be known just for that. I even wrote a bit about this in my paper. This time, there's maybe a couple lines that'll make people chuckle; the rest of it is all holycrapemotion. And right now, I feel pretty good about it.
...Um, I guess I went on a tangent of sorts. Oh well, that's okay. But I'm at work right now, and someone's bound to walk in at any minute, so I should post this now.
But first, I need to write this blog entry.
One of my goals with keeping this blog was to improve my writing. I wanted to improve at elaboration (the fine art of not rambling while not being too concise) and brainstorming topics. Did I accomplish that? Eh.
In my main writing class last semester, we were given only one or two writing prompts, and I'd just sit down and write like crazy. This semester, I have a different teacher, so obviously there's a new writing-prompt-style I had to adjust to. We always got between two and four prompts - seven for this last paper - and it's become more of a challenge to think of good topics. You'd think that with seven different writing prompts, I'd be able to think of something. Apparently not.
Sure, I'll still think of good ideas... for a paper that's maybe a page or two. The current requirement is five to seven pages. Yikes.
One of the prompts for this assignment was to "write the paper you've wanted to write all semester." Or, in other words, "write whatever the hell you want." At the last minute I ended up rambling about how I've changed a lot in the past year; how I miss certain aspects of myself/my life, but at the same time, I'm excited about the changes. It kinda fell into the rant/rave prompt, it kinda fell into the "what have you learned about yourself" prompt, but mostly it just fell into "write whatever you want."
It's a completely different writing style than what I'm used to. All my papers this semester have employed humor. I'm jealous of everyone else and their eloquent writing, and I've wanted to try it all semester. I'm okay with humor, but I don't want to be known just for that. I even wrote a bit about this in my paper. This time, there's maybe a couple lines that'll make people chuckle; the rest of it is all holycrapemotion. And right now, I feel pretty good about it.
...Um, I guess I went on a tangent of sorts. Oh well, that's okay. But I'm at work right now, and someone's bound to walk in at any minute, so I should post this now.
Sunday, May 6, 2007
We could be heroes
The following is an accurate depiction of what my room currently looks like.
It was already kind of a sty, but then I got sick. I hate living in this room right now. Not to mention that I move out in less than two weeks. I should probably start cleaning so I can have an easier time packing.
My goal this year is to have almost everything packed by next Thursday. Then I can spend Friday at graduation and at post-graduation celebrating, and not have to worry about staying up all night Friday packing before driving Saturday morning. We'll see if that actually happens.
I finally got to see Moulin Rouge last night. Why did it take me this long? It was pretty much amazing. The musical interpretations and medleys were wonderful, and the filming style was uniquely done. I obtained a copy of Roxanne after the movie, and I've been listening to it almost nonstop.
Okay, I should go do homework now.
It was already kind of a sty, but then I got sick. I hate living in this room right now. Not to mention that I move out in less than two weeks. I should probably start cleaning so I can have an easier time packing.
My goal this year is to have almost everything packed by next Thursday. Then I can spend Friday at graduation and at post-graduation celebrating, and not have to worry about staying up all night Friday packing before driving Saturday morning. We'll see if that actually happens.
I finally got to see Moulin Rouge last night. Why did it take me this long? It was pretty much amazing. The musical interpretations and medleys were wonderful, and the filming style was uniquely done. I obtained a copy of Roxanne after the movie, and I've been listening to it almost nonstop.
Okay, I should go do homework now.
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Free day, literally
I was supposed to work 12-4 today. I got sent home before I could even clock in.
While I was wandering around at Target after that, I realized that this is another motivation for me to get a real job (read: get the hell out of the food service industry). Being sick at work sucks inandof itself, because you're feeling miserable and you're spreading germs to lots of people. It's easier to spread germs in food service. Even if I'm not contagious anymore, I'm still coughing. And that looks bad. Not to mention that I'm losing out on a lot of hours because of it. Tomorrow I might make a sign that says "I lost my voice" and pin it to my apron, because pushing my voice seems to make me cough more. I need to save my voice anyway, since it sounds like shit and I have to present this blog project thingy to the class in two days. Yikes.
But the good news is, even if it doesn't feel like it in the middle of a coughing fit, I am getting better. My cough sounds different every day, and I'm not doing it as frequently. I'm getting there.
Apparently Steve Page is on Facebook now. This is a personal profile, as opposed to a band profile on Myspace. Do I add him? He's advertising it, but it still feels a bit odd to me. *shrug*
Since I have the afternoon off now, I suppose I should like, do homework or do laundry or clean my room. Or maybe nap.
While I was wandering around at Target after that, I realized that this is another motivation for me to get a real job (read: get the hell out of the food service industry). Being sick at work sucks inandof itself, because you're feeling miserable and you're spreading germs to lots of people. It's easier to spread germs in food service. Even if I'm not contagious anymore, I'm still coughing. And that looks bad. Not to mention that I'm losing out on a lot of hours because of it. Tomorrow I might make a sign that says "I lost my voice" and pin it to my apron, because pushing my voice seems to make me cough more. I need to save my voice anyway, since it sounds like shit and I have to present this blog project thingy to the class in two days. Yikes.
But the good news is, even if it doesn't feel like it in the middle of a coughing fit, I am getting better. My cough sounds different every day, and I'm not doing it as frequently. I'm getting there.
Apparently Steve Page is on Facebook now. This is a personal profile, as opposed to a band profile on Myspace. Do I add him? He's advertising it, but it still feels a bit odd to me. *shrug*
Since I have the afternoon off now, I suppose I should like, do homework or do laundry or clean my room. Or maybe nap.
Friday, May 4, 2007
Less than three!
The bf and I turn a year old today. Yay :)
There's something I miss. I realized it last night, when I chose to boycott turning on my computer to instead watch some crappy Hilary Duff movie (shush). I miss that giddy feeling I had right at the beginning. The butterflies in my stomach. I mean, I still feel a little giddy when I haven't seen him for a little while, but it's not quite the same feeling. It's hard to describe. A more mature giddiness? I dunno. But either way, in the end, I like/prefer having someone I feel comfortable around. Not like that getting to know you stage, where Hilary Duff didn't know the guy well enough to know that he was potentially kind of a manslut.
Although I'd like to say that the main point of this post was to use the term "manslut," it really wasn't.
There's something I miss. I realized it last night, when I chose to boycott turning on my computer to instead watch some crappy Hilary Duff movie (shush). I miss that giddy feeling I had right at the beginning. The butterflies in my stomach. I mean, I still feel a little giddy when I haven't seen him for a little while, but it's not quite the same feeling. It's hard to describe. A more mature giddiness? I dunno. But either way, in the end, I like/prefer having someone I feel comfortable around. Not like that getting to know you stage, where Hilary Duff didn't know the guy well enough to know that he was potentially kind of a manslut.
Although I'd like to say that the main point of this post was to use the term "manslut," it really wasn't.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
(a side rant)
iTunes kinda disappoints me on a couple levels.
First. I bought a $15 card, because that's how I budget and treat myself. I'm not sure what I was treating myself for this time. Anyway, I punched in the activation code, and I got a "this code is invalid" message. After a frustrated email to tech support, it turned out I was misreading the B's as 8's. Um, shouldn't there be a way to print these things more clearly so this problem doesn't happen as often?
Second. The "Just For You" thingy is a cool concept, but honestly, it was better in beta. Currently, it keeps recommending the same things over and over, doesn't remember what I've previously set as already owned or not liked, and is recommending songs I've already purchased from them. Why can I set "already own" or "don't like" labels for entire albums, but not for individual songs?
Third. I wanted some Moulin Rouge songs. I can only get them if I buy the whole album. I don't want the whole fucking album. Wasn't part of the point of iTunes (and other online music stores) to allow people to legally obtain copies of single songs without having to purchase the entire album? And if it's the record company disallowing single song sales, not the store, then the store should put a note on the sales page that states this. That way, everyone's frustrated comments can be shifted to the correct outlet, and maybe dumb people will stop giving the album poor ratings simply because they only wanted to buy one song. (Or at least not in such vast quantities.)
Fourth. Listen to a song in its entirety before putting it in one of those iTunes Essentials playlists. For example, Death Cab For Cutie's song I Will Follow You Into the Dark, while aww-inducing, is about the death of a loved one, even if it is pondering a death way off in the future. And Rufus Wainwright's The Tower of Learning does include the aww line "I saw it in your eyes, what I was looking for," but later it also says "with one glance you smashed it with your eyes ... one blink and then my heart wasn't there no more." These are good examples of songs that should NOT be included in a playlist of indie-rock wedding songs.
I'm not completely frustrated with iTunes, though. I still love how I can buy [most] songs individually, and the new option to complete an album you've already purchased part of is awesome (I'll definitely be taking advantage of it). iTunes Essentials are overall a great way to discover new music. And the aforementioned Indie Wedding playlist included a Queen cover of the Wedding March, which was fucking awesome.
[end rant]
First. I bought a $15 card, because that's how I budget and treat myself. I'm not sure what I was treating myself for this time. Anyway, I punched in the activation code, and I got a "this code is invalid" message. After a frustrated email to tech support, it turned out I was misreading the B's as 8's. Um, shouldn't there be a way to print these things more clearly so this problem doesn't happen as often?
Second. The "Just For You" thingy is a cool concept, but honestly, it was better in beta. Currently, it keeps recommending the same things over and over, doesn't remember what I've previously set as already owned or not liked, and is recommending songs I've already purchased from them. Why can I set "already own" or "don't like" labels for entire albums, but not for individual songs?
Third. I wanted some Moulin Rouge songs. I can only get them if I buy the whole album. I don't want the whole fucking album. Wasn't part of the point of iTunes (and other online music stores) to allow people to legally obtain copies of single songs without having to purchase the entire album? And if it's the record company disallowing single song sales, not the store, then the store should put a note on the sales page that states this. That way, everyone's frustrated comments can be shifted to the correct outlet, and maybe dumb people will stop giving the album poor ratings simply because they only wanted to buy one song. (Or at least not in such vast quantities.)
Fourth. Listen to a song in its entirety before putting it in one of those iTunes Essentials playlists. For example, Death Cab For Cutie's song I Will Follow You Into the Dark, while aww-inducing, is about the death of a loved one, even if it is pondering a death way off in the future. And Rufus Wainwright's The Tower of Learning does include the aww line "I saw it in your eyes, what I was looking for," but later it also says "with one glance you smashed it with your eyes ... one blink and then my heart wasn't there no more." These are good examples of songs that should NOT be included in a playlist of indie-rock wedding songs.
I'm not completely frustrated with iTunes, though. I still love how I can buy [most] songs individually, and the new option to complete an album you've already purchased part of is awesome (I'll definitely be taking advantage of it). iTunes Essentials are overall a great way to discover new music. And the aforementioned Indie Wedding playlist included a Queen cover of the Wedding March, which was fucking awesome.
[end rant]
On independence, part 2
Hi, I appear to enjoy abandoning my blog for a few days at a time...
I've been sick. Last night was probably the worst. It involved hacking, cramps, puking, and near-seizures, as well as a "comf up here pls?" text message to the bf. All while attempting to absorb every bit of Nyquil except the Ny. Hence why I thought it would be a nice idea to ditch class again today, and not move until I felt I was ready to do so.
I miraculously forced myself out of bed in time for the last day of choir, though, where everyone decided it would be a good idea to ambush - I mean, grouphug - the departing officers. I was in the middle. I hacked on everyone. I can't say I didn't warn them. But on a serious note, that was probably the first moment that it all started to hit me. That this is the end. That I'm not coming back (except to visit once in a while). That, with a few exceptions, I may never see these awesome people again. Like, I consciously know that graduation is coming, but this is the first time I've unconsciously realized it.
I got a little tear in my eye at that moment. But then again, I think I've been overly emotional today anyway - before I dragged myself out of bed, I was watching the sappy wedding/baby shows that are normally on at that time of day.
That may be another sign that I'm ready to get out of here. Okay, I'll admit, I normally get a little teary at the appropriate moments of these shows. It felt different today, though. Like maybe I'm ready to move on to more grownup aspects of life. I don't know if I want to get married ASAP (even though my choir director seems to think we should) and I'm not yet sure if I want to be a mom (I wish I had siblings so I could be an aunt, so I could have the pleasure of spoiling and loving small children without any of the responsibility - a trial run, if you will), but it's still that whole grownup stage of life I'm reaching for.
Which, once again, reminds me of the neighbors. I had to ask them to quiet down the other night. Although I ended up ditching class on Monday, I was still hoping I could make it, and wanted to get as much sleep as possible. They, of course, were in an open room chatting at 11:30. This time, I stepped out and said - in the politest way possible when sick and tired - that I needed as much sleep as I could get and if they could quiet down a bit I would really appreciate it. One girl (out of two or three) quickly apologized - I'm not sure if she meant it - and one just glared at me. Didn't even make eye contact. To their credit, they did quiet down, though.
The next night, they were at it again. I shuffled around in my pajamas for a bit, hoping they'd get the message, but I had to resort to a slight slam of my door followed by a loud shift of the lock. They shut up fast. Probably think I'm a bitch, too, but whatever. Like I hadn't just spoken to them the night before.
It's people like this who need to grow up (I don't mean that to sound nearly as harsh as it probably does). I got to thinking, and realized that there are approximately three levels of maturity in college:
1) Being fully aware that you're still a kid
2) Falsely thinking that you're grown up
3) Actual maturity
#1 is very short-lived: when you move away from home for the first time, but visit all the time because of homesickness and the realization that you still kinda need your parents. #2 is where most people - including the neighbors in question - are at, and is the most irritating stage. In their cases, I don't get it. This is their first time away from home, and I can only guess they elected to live on the 21+ floor to be near mature people. And then they don't talk to many other people, they don't seem very accepting (or willing to be so), and the most current pictures of themselves on their doors feature letter jackets, braces, and considerably different looks. I feel like they have a fear of the now and possibly the future. What is there to fear?
Maybe they fear me (or people like me). I've grown up. It's okay to be mature while still being apprehensive about finishing school and moving on to the real world. But I've hit that point, and there's no turning back.
I've been sick. Last night was probably the worst. It involved hacking, cramps, puking, and near-seizures, as well as a "comf up here pls?" text message to the bf. All while attempting to absorb every bit of Nyquil except the Ny. Hence why I thought it would be a nice idea to ditch class again today, and not move until I felt I was ready to do so.
I miraculously forced myself out of bed in time for the last day of choir, though, where everyone decided it would be a good idea to ambush - I mean, grouphug - the departing officers. I was in the middle. I hacked on everyone. I can't say I didn't warn them. But on a serious note, that was probably the first moment that it all started to hit me. That this is the end. That I'm not coming back (except to visit once in a while). That, with a few exceptions, I may never see these awesome people again. Like, I consciously know that graduation is coming, but this is the first time I've unconsciously realized it.
I got a little tear in my eye at that moment. But then again, I think I've been overly emotional today anyway - before I dragged myself out of bed, I was watching the sappy wedding/baby shows that are normally on at that time of day.
That may be another sign that I'm ready to get out of here. Okay, I'll admit, I normally get a little teary at the appropriate moments of these shows. It felt different today, though. Like maybe I'm ready to move on to more grownup aspects of life. I don't know if I want to get married ASAP (even though my choir director seems to think we should) and I'm not yet sure if I want to be a mom (I wish I had siblings so I could be an aunt, so I could have the pleasure of spoiling and loving small children without any of the responsibility - a trial run, if you will), but it's still that whole grownup stage of life I'm reaching for.
Which, once again, reminds me of the neighbors. I had to ask them to quiet down the other night. Although I ended up ditching class on Monday, I was still hoping I could make it, and wanted to get as much sleep as possible. They, of course, were in an open room chatting at 11:30. This time, I stepped out and said - in the politest way possible when sick and tired - that I needed as much sleep as I could get and if they could quiet down a bit I would really appreciate it. One girl (out of two or three) quickly apologized - I'm not sure if she meant it - and one just glared at me. Didn't even make eye contact. To their credit, they did quiet down, though.
The next night, they were at it again. I shuffled around in my pajamas for a bit, hoping they'd get the message, but I had to resort to a slight slam of my door followed by a loud shift of the lock. They shut up fast. Probably think I'm a bitch, too, but whatever. Like I hadn't just spoken to them the night before.
It's people like this who need to grow up (I don't mean that to sound nearly as harsh as it probably does). I got to thinking, and realized that there are approximately three levels of maturity in college:
1) Being fully aware that you're still a kid
2) Falsely thinking that you're grown up
3) Actual maturity
#1 is very short-lived: when you move away from home for the first time, but visit all the time because of homesickness and the realization that you still kinda need your parents. #2 is where most people - including the neighbors in question - are at, and is the most irritating stage. In their cases, I don't get it. This is their first time away from home, and I can only guess they elected to live on the 21+ floor to be near mature people. And then they don't talk to many other people, they don't seem very accepting (or willing to be so), and the most current pictures of themselves on their doors feature letter jackets, braces, and considerably different looks. I feel like they have a fear of the now and possibly the future. What is there to fear?
Maybe they fear me (or people like me). I've grown up. It's okay to be mature while still being apprehensive about finishing school and moving on to the real world. But I've hit that point, and there's no turning back.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)